How To Make Your Ebook Look Like It Was Published by the Big 5

So funny!!! Thanks for the giggle.

So a client tells me this morning that he wants to make sure readers can’t tell the difference between his book and one published by the Big 5.

This is easy.

Hire somebody who uses InDesign (because it’s really big and expensive and therefore the best tool available). Make sure the editor in charge is totally dazzled by all the drop caps and floating text and other touches that look fabulous on iPads, but totally fall apart on eink readers. Render all user preference controls utterly useless, especially line spacing. Who needs line spacing anyway. Extra points if the ebook is littered with unreadable characters and question marks.
Do not proofread the ebook. Don’t let anyone check that the chapters are in the right order. It doesn’t matter if a few chapters are missing altogether. Extra points if the ebook displays all your discretionary hyphens.
Include no less than 10…