What Scares You?

I mean what really scares you?David S. Pumkins.gif

I wasn’t afraid of David S. Pumpkin; I loved it.

The SNL skit is funny because there are some things we expect to scare us and when expectation is not met, like with David S. Pumpkins, we want to know why.

When I was a kid, it was being alone in my little room in the dark. Normal.

When I was older, it was ‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King. I was a mother by then but, while reading that book, I never wanted to look out my bedroom window. I was sure I would find someone floating outside it. Normal.

Now that I’m older and retired from nursing, I have to admit that it’s being a patient in the hospital. Nope, nah, nyet, nah-dah. I know too much. I’ll go in only if it’s absolutely necessary and I’ll make it known that I will be checking on every little freakin’ pill. Normal.

I don’t mind walking outside in the dark, even though we live in the country. In fact, I like the dark. I like the way the trees look against the dark turquoise sky. I like the sprinkle of stars, the shape of the moon throughout the month. I even like the bats that sometimes greet us when we come home after sunset.

But people scare me. Real people. Not ghosts, not vampires, not werewolves (actually I love werewolves…wrote a book about them).

Yep, people scare me. Including myself.

I’m afraid that Mitzi, the writer, will just let her work sit.

I’m afraid that Mitzi, the writer, will never get to completing of her latest book. The edited manuscript is still in my briefcase, untouched.

Yep, I’m afraid.

Am I afraid of failure?

I don’t think so. Failure and I are old friends.

I think I’m afraid of succeeding.

I’m afraid that people will expect more and more of me.

Well, not so much “people” but Mitzi.

I’m afraid that I will be telling myself what I “should” be doing. And I’m afraid I won’t want to do it. Or that I’ll find lots of reasons why I can’t do it. Like there are books to read and posts to write and dog to walk and litter boxes to clean (I’m really going low with that one).

I’m afraid that I won’t be able to live up to what I expect of myself.

So I have to “screw my courage to the sticking post” and “jump in with both feet,” as I mix metaphors.

To steal one more quote/cliché: I’ll “just do it.”

And, in the words of David S. Pumpkins, “Any questions?”

 


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